The much awaited response of my conscience was, “Maybe everything you do is pointless. Or maybe you’re just believing in this until it becomes true.” But I see the list of dead blogs that I’m about to unfollow and I ponder over my question yet again, “At which point does a writer run out of ideas to write and what do they do once that happens?” My mind is not out of ideas yet, in fact, it is full of thoughts that could change the world. But as I write them down, they become evidence—that no one is ever going to witness what I consider my ‘work of art’. Just the thought in itself is so powerful that it kills the spirit of any writer, any dreamer. Knowing how oblivion feels and how the world is full of unparalleled talent and appreciation falls short when your turn arrives, I stop. I put my pen down, my thoughts down, my heart down, and let it all feel and immerse into nothingness.
Fear is man’s biggest doom. The moment we let fear be the determinant of decisions, we lose control of our own lives. If I write today, pen down thoughts with all of my heart, I want it to mean something to somebody else. But the thought and fear that it’s not touching hearts the way it originates from mine, I pull the emergency brakes and fall for the need to retrace my steps all the way back to where I started. A person can write enough to express their own ideologies, behavioral patterns and sometimes things just from the top of the head with some level of certainty, but when fear steps in, you’re forced into a continuous circle of doubting, procrastinating, and finally letting the dream die.
Oblivion can scare anyone, and it has happened to people when they disappeared after such dedication of heart and soul into their work that they might have even worshipped at some point. The point to all this is that today is the only promised opportunity, tomorrow is just an excuse to put things off. I don’t set a good example when it comes to being present, but I know the fact that after spending days wherein I’ve faced many failure attempts and found myself floating away in oblivion, there were days that when I owned it all, days when everything worked out perfectly, when I earnt my way up a level, when life found meaning and purpose. These days are not work of fiction, they are very much real. However, you need to live those moments to your fullest, because they are rare and exceptional.
At last when I wish to give up on everything, all the ideas and plans, a small voice echoes within with a subtle reminder, “…pity you are letting that thought go. What if you did not give power to a thought that was meant to change the world?”
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