The most uncanny state I’ve ever been is me being partially dead while talking, walking or any other normal chores I go through. I don’t feel the energy to analyse the things happening around me as the world within me is already been destroyed. I want it to be over but the dark clouds over the sky above me aren’t dissolving.
I’ve received great opportunities in life and the only motive I had in my mind was to be sincere, happy and above all, NOT anxious. However, as far as I’ve experienced, I fail. Clearing my mind didn’t turn out to be satisfactory, the nightmare-y anxiety forms again. Forgetting the unwanted cribbing of elders, the teasing over being flawed, criticized to be imperfect and not living unto the expectations and above all, insulting and being unsupported to my choices isn’t easy. You made me go dreading about myself that I’m firm towards every tiny situation and I no longer can heal or change. I can only disguise as who I am not till someone sees the pain in my eyes and does some aid.
When I’m lost, people ask me. “why are you lost?”, “did you not sleep well?”, “are you scared or afraid of something?”, “are you nervous?”, “are you not well?” and above all, “are you OK?” Hello? Aren’t these the symptoms of anxiety? Are you not aware of what it means? Or is it not your priority to see if someone needs help? Sometimes I end up thinking all negative. I blame the ‘anxious’ me. Anxiety is the word of obscurity to those who live a life of eternal happiness and non-meddling obstacles. I’m happy for you if you do so. But, you always have a grateful chance to make someone else’s life as yours, full of undying flowers and everlasting hue.